"Practice makes the Master!"  - Don Miguel Ruiz


Sai Ram Dear Friends,  

Sonya and I were honored to be able to present our workshop, Ahimsa and Nonviolent Communication according to  Sri Sathya Sai Baba and Western Psychology, at the Southeast Regional Conference on May 24-26, 2013. We had 30 devotees attending the workshop and the feedback we received indicated they were very pleased with our presentation.

We believe that NVC (aka Compassionate Communication) compliments all of Baba's teachings on Ahimsa and the Five Human Values.  Compassionate Communication is a very practical way of implementing Baba's Divine teachings. 
It will provide you with specific tools to practice loving communication with others, as well as with yourself.  

For the next 10 weeks, we will present one basic Compassionate Communication skill or principle per week along with a related exercise, so that you can practice the skills until you "get them into your bones."

Please note that this newsletter is not an official communication of the Sai organization.
It's a free service that Sonya and I offer to those who have signed up to receive it.

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We welcome any comments or questions you may have. 

Loving Sai Rams,   David & Sonya Warren
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Lesson #1:  Nonviolent Communication is a simple and profound method for learning how to express ourselves honestly and how to listen empathically.

It is based on four components:  Observations, Feelings, Needs & Requests. 

NVC aims to find a way for all parties to get their Needs met without the use of guilt, humiliation, shame, blame, coercion, or threats. It is designed to help us "Connect with Others," to resolve conflicts and to live in a way that is conscious, present, and attuned to the genuine, living Needs & Values of ourselves and others.

Step 1: OBSERVATIONS WITHOUT EVALUATIONS*  

State the observation that's leading you to feel the need to say something.

These should be purely factual observations, with no component of judgment or evaluation.

For example, "It's 2:00 a.m. and I hear your stereo playing" states an observed fact,
while "It's way too late to be making such an awful racket" makes an evaluation.

"I just looked in the refrigerator and saw that there's no food, and I'm thinking that
you didn't go grocery shopping" states an observed fact (with an inference explicitly stated),
while "You wasted the whole day and you should have gone grocery shopping for us!"
makes an evaluation.

People often disagree about evaluations because they value things differently, but directly
observable facts provide a common ground for communication. Furthermore, when we use
evaluative language, it often evokes a defensive response in the receiver and leads to conflict.

Exercise:  Think of a Need you have that you would like met by another person. 
Then, write out a "Pure Observation" related to this Need - with no judgment or evaluation in it.

*Adapted from an article on www.wikihow.com: "How to Practice Nonviolent Communication." Edited by Ben Kovitz